


dying suns

by gloworm



Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self-Aware, Half-Life
Genre: Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Psychological Horror, Supernatural Elements, Trans Gordon Freeman, agender benrey, no beta we die like real writers, road trip au, the spooky road trip au that i cant stop thinking about, there's ghosts in ur blood and u should do cocaine about it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:49:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26040682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gloworm/pseuds/gloworm
Summary: Last thing I need is your warm face going cold
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 11
Kudos: 81





	1. invitation to disaster

**Author's Note:**

> its 2am i did this in an hour after a really good shower. healing from a minor flesh wound and i finally got the stitches out and upgraded from a full gauze wrap to a bandaid and i am enjoying my newfound hand freedom! this fic is rated M for psychological horror themes and stress of mental illness as well as violence. i'm kind of just winging this so i hope its okay!

Gordon wasn’t stupid. He reminded himself of this early every day when people sneered at him on the street for being a bit clumsy or being too loud or too….awkward. Maybe? Gordon wasn’t stupid. He had a fucking degree from MIT in theoretical physics and a job opportunity lined up for Black Mesa of all things.

The issue was getting to the interview, considering it was…in New Mexico.

So…roadtrip. It was the cheapest option, or that’s what he told his mother distractedly as he tried to pry apart her hands, twisting anxiously in a way he knew would ruin her later when her nerves flared up and her fingers went stiff. He promised her he’d be safe, held her as she lost her composure and held her together as she pulled herself into a semblance of normalcy. He loved his mother, she was worn and tired from a life of utter shit being thrown at her, but she loved him dearly and fought for him every chance it was necessary.

He’d tried to do the same. To at least make her proud, go to college, and hopefully, one day make enough money to buy her a cozy little cottage somewhere people wouldn’t go poking around to bother her. Help her with a garden, who knows, maybe he’d manage to somehow find somewhere along a riverbank with a working waterwheel. That was for future Gordon to worry about, for now, he needed to head out to get to this interview on time so he could get the big job that would help ease his mother’s burdens.

For once he wanted to shoulder the weight of the world so she could rest.

She gently cupped his face and kissed him on both cheeks, wishing him luck with a wavering voice as he ducked into his car and waving, even after he was out of sight he was sure. He checked his phone again, taking in a deep breath and rolling down the windows to enjoy the sunshine and fresh air before the sun inevitably began to set. Gordon drank in the sights of the sun bouncing off the green leaves, already mourning the lack of trees the further he’d get to his destination. The trip from Mass to New Mexico was roughly 34 hours in a straight shot. So he’d maybe only need like 3 days max depending on how tired he got or how antsy he’d be from driving.

Hopefully anyway.

Gordon pulled onto the highway without issue, he’d planned his drive to begin during typical working hours so he wouldn’t have to deal with any traffic so early into his trip. He tapped his fingers along to the song drifting from the car speakers, settling down for a few hours of driving. It was boring, admittedly, once the landscape became all the same, a huge stretch of highway banked by trees and insistent sunlight. Gordon didn’t realize how much time had passed until his phone began to chime, reminding him that he’d snoozed his morning meds to later in the afternoon.

Well, lunchtime.

Healthy habits were hard to maintain but Gordon sighed, figuring even if he wasn’t actually hungry he should shove something in his face at least to make sure he was on track. He pulled into the nearest rest stop a few miles down, thankful it didn’t seem too busy, and filled his tank before walking into the convenience store. Doing a quick scan of the store as he nodded to the friendly-looking cashier, he made a beeline for the coolers in the back and snagged a peach tea snapple. Closing the door his gaze drifted to the other cooler sections, looking between drinks and cooler snacks, quick lunch type things meant for a dose of protein. Shifting and stepping to the side Gordon jerked away when he bumped into something, clutching his tea in one hand as he jumped away.

“Shit dude, sorry, didn’t see you.”

The other didn’t seem startled in the least, flat expression on their face and arms filled with monster energy drinks and a single nesquik chocolate milk. There was a weird disquiet about them that set Gordon on edge, bags under their blue eyes, and way too pale to be healthy. Gordon bit down a comment about the amount of practical gasoline in their arms, instead rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand as the stranger shuffled by and shoved a bag of cheese puffs in their arms. Gordon shook his head and grabbed a sandwich from one of the coolers, double-checking to make sure it seemed like one he could easily pluck the tomato from to discard it. Snagging a bag of sour gummy worms he headed to the cashier, slowing as he saw the tight smile on her face and silent agony in her eyes. The person from earlier had all their shit on the counter and was trying to count the total out from a collection of nickels, dimes, and pennies. Gordon made eye contact with the cashier, despair clear on her face, before sighing.

He pinched the bridge of his nose as he did a quick once over of the customer. Ripped jeans, scuffed with a few dirt stains. Battered plain boots, a nondescript navy hoodie and a black beanie firmly planted on their head. A tattered backpack was at their feet, zipped open laying on its side. Gordon decidedly minded his own damn business and didn’t look too hard into the contents, but his impatience and short memory won out considering his desire to not forget his meds.

“Hey - hey let me. Uh, let me just pay for that okay? Keep your change dude.”

Gordon shuffled forward and pulled out his wallet, smiling at the cashier’s relieved expression.

“Huh?”

Gordon turned to the person, glancing down - wow they were short - smiling awkwardly.

“No offense but you’re holding up the line, so just….let me grab this so you can go.”

“Oh, worm?”

They seemed to perk up at that, blinking owlishly for a second before hurriedly sweeping the coins into a hamtaro coin purse. Nodding as if Gordon was still talking, they snatched up the backpack and gently started packing away their goods while Gordon paid for them and his own stuff with a pained expression. They’d gotten utter garbage, junk food that inevitably would burn them out to oblivion if it didn’t kill them first. The cashier stifled a snort at the phrasing, Gordon sighing as he shoved his card in the chip reader while the cashier bagged his items up.

“Poggers bro, thanks for t- the uhhh - the snacks. Munchies. The uh - the gamer fuel. Epic meals.”

They zipped up the bag and carefully pulled it over one shoulder, blinking slowly up at Gordon for a moment. It reminded him of a cat, so Gordon blinked back just as slowly. This, weirdly enough, seemed to startle something in the person, who scuttled off out the door.

“Thank you so much. Once the pennies hit the counter I thought I’d be here forever.”

Gordon snorted and shoved his card back in his wallet, accepting the bag from the cashier.

“No problem, service workers gotta watch out for each other you know?”

She laughed, nodding in agreement and waving as he left. Gordon settled back in his car, ripping off the top of his hummus and pretzel snack, starting his car and rolling slowly to the exit of the rest stop. He paused, gaze flickering to the figure walking along the highway with their thumb stuck up. It was - obviously - illegal to hitch hike on a highway like this but…it was the person from earlier. They seemed more tired and pale in the sunlight, borderline sickly as they walked along the road. Gordon’s morals itched in his bones and he sighed heavily, slowing as he neared the exit. The person seemed surprised, arm slowly lowering as Gordon rolled down the window.

“Hey….where you heading? I’m going to New Mexico so depending on where you wanna be…I can help.”

He was met with a moment of silence, the question hanging in the air. Gordon began to get impatient and was getting ready to say fuck it and drive off, but recognition flashed across their face and they began nodding, opening the unlocked door and sliding into the passenger seat.

“Yeah, yeah that’s - that’s cool. New Mexico is uh - it’s - it’s fine if that’s? Okay?”

Gordon nodded distractedly, his mother internally already screaming about stranger danger as he pulled back onto the highway. The silence was awkward and suffocating as the two sat side by side, literal, and complete strangers. Gordon felt an itching at the back of his neck that he tried to rub away.

“So, what’s your name? I’m Gordon.”

Gordon’s gaze flickered to his new passenger, watching in real-time as each word seemed to drift into their mind and click into place like pieces of a puzzle. Processing issue then? He’d keep that in mind. His passenger turned to him almost entirely facing him, blinking at him with a vaguely unsettling smile.

“Benry. My name’s Benry.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i need yall to understand i can only physically write this after the sun has gone down in my room trying desperately to go the fuck to bed. also this story is already taking a slightly different turn cause i found a song that fucking SLAPS that gave me good vibes

Gordon wasn’t great at small talk, but he was curious by nature so sitting in a car with a stranger who didn’t seem to mind his weird rambling questions was actually pretty ideal to break up the monotony of driving. Benry was nonbinary, used they/them pronouns, was vaguely in their 20’s, and couldn’t remember the last time they ate something that wasn’t covered in fake cheese dust. They didn’t seem to mind the last bit as they scraped the remnants of cheese dust from their fingers onto their teeth, looking distinctly awake but in an artificial ‘I just drank a full can of toxic sludge energy drink and then 30 shots of espresso that by now the on-campus coffee shop has waiting for me by the time I walk in’ kind of way. They looked like it was finals week and all their finals were scheduled on the same day, only they were…doing this willingly. For whatever reason. 

Gordon decidedly did not pry into the reason they were hitchhiking. That seemed rude to just ask, there were plenty of reasons to be doing such a thing and not everyone had someone in their corner willing to fight tooth and nail for their happiness. 

Gordon thought of unruly curly hair and weathered hands.

Cracked nails and deep shadows under warm eyes.

Benry got into the vibe of asking Gordon questions in return, which Gordon answered as best he could. Benry had a way of talking, stuttering, and often losing track of what they were saying before they could finish the sentence. It was fine, when it came to people Gordon could be patient. Benry found out Gordon was trans, a smile twitching onto Gordon’s lips seeing the way they lit up knowing they weren’t stuck in a car with a cishet. They found out Gordon was bisexual, that he was 26 and had a PHD (“yoooo what the fuck you some - some kind of uhhh - a doctor????” “Yeah that’s what that means exactly bro.”) and that he was driving cross country to a job interview in the field he wanted to be in.

Benry was funny, they made references to out of date memes no one used anymore, but was very in touch with the current garbage leaking through the internet hive mind. They made a vague mention toward Twitch and streaming, a joke about an onlyfans page they were setting up, managed to use the word poggers as a proper noun in a way Gordon actually understood and made a lot of really shitty teasing jokes that were so preschool in nature Gordon couldn’t even be mad. Benry was like the aesthetic of the gamer bro demographic but actually a halfway decent person, scoffing at the mention of Dark Souls and crowing about the superiority of the game Hey You, Pikachu for the nintendo 64. 

Gordon’s conscious praised him in the back of his mind as the day faded, happy to have picked up someone who really didn’t seem all that bad, maybe just down on their luck. Gordon’s attention returned to the road, glancing at the GPS occasionally as Benry took a nap. The exhaustion seemed to actively be leaking from their face, Gordon at one point reaching over to snatch the cheese puffs from their lax hand so they wouldn’t spill everywhere. The GPS hadn’t said anything in a while and Gordon was…a little concerned. The sun was fading fast in the sky and they’d hit a small bit of traffic but it’d dispersed a while ago. There really wasn’t anyone else on the road and it seemed to just stretch on for miles. Frowning slightly Gordon poked at his phone when the screen seemed to freeze and glitch, sighing in annoyance and pinching the bridge of his nose. He tucked his sunglasses away and slid on his regular frames, glancing at passing roadsigns and deciding it was a good a time as any to try and find a hotel for the night. He leaned over and gently shook Benry’s shoulder, smirking as they whined and batted him away before blinking blearily.

  
“Yo, what the fuck? Why’d you wake me?” 

  
Their voice was rough with sleep and they stretched out slowly, cracking their neck and hissing a bit.

  
“I’m gonna get a hotel for the night, my GPS is being fucky. Let’s get a room then find a place to eat, like, real food and not sludge. You game?”

  
Gordon hadn’t been expecting to pick up a stranger so rooming with someone hadn’t been in his plans. Benry seemed to think it over a moment before nodding and cracking their jaw, settling back and taking DJ rights back as they flipped through their phone. The screen was cracked and seemed iffy to the touch but they navigated it expertly, seemingly unbothered by the defect. The sun dipped lower, lighting the sky in shades of pink and orange, and Gordon pulled into a gas station to fill the tank just to be safe. He turned down the music and shut off the car, much to Benry’s annoyance, stepping out and sliding his card into the reader. He punched his pin in and started to fill the car, gaze drifting out further off the exit they’d taken toward the signs pointing out hotels further down the way into town. He’d never been out this far in the state and he’d never really considered Mass to be spooky, sure there were the ghost stories and shit but he’d never paid much attention. But with the light in the sky fading and the surrounding trees dark and swaying ominously in the wind, it was a bit much. The back of his neck prickled and he turned to look at the cause, Benry gazing at him from inside the car with large eyes, brow pinched in an expression Gordon couldn’t quite decipher. 

  
Gordon made a face, tilting his head, and Benry seemed to snap out of it. They looked away and Gordon shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck when the pump clicked and sliding back in the car. Benry continued the (apparently) lengthy process of trying to wake up enough to function as Gordon followed signs to a little hotel, nothing special but a little better than a motel and a place to sleep that was safe. 

  
They gathered their small amount of things and walked inside, Benry tugging the beanie further over their eyes against the harsh light inside. The woman at the counter smiled at them as Gordon got them a room with 2 beds, 2nd floor with instructions that check out was no later than 11am. Gordon rolled his shoulders as he led Benry to the room, still feeling that weird sensation of being watched. This time it wasn’t Benry, who had their head tilted toward the floor. Gordon bit his tongue and glanced over his shoulder as he swiped the keycard, door clicking open and Benry ducking under his arm to toss their bag on the bed and head into the bathroom. Gordon stood in the hall for a moment, sweeping his gaze down the hallway as the shower turned on. 

  
“Whatever…”

  
He mumbled, walking in and closing the door behind him. Tossing his bag on his bed he pulled out a change of clothes, taking the time to untuck the sheets and plug in his phone charger. The bathroom door opened after a bit, steam drifting out as Benry stumbled out with a towel in their hair. They looked more relaxed, less pale, and more awake. Gordon grabbed his own clothes and walked in, turning on the fan (which Benry had neglected to do during their own shower) before jumping under the hot spray of limitless hotel water. It did wonders for his sore back, hips twinging from being stuck in one position for so long. He took care to wash out his hair properly, combing through it with conditioner and making sure it wasn’t tangling. Glancing down Gordon did a double-take. 

  
Was he bleeding?

  
That was clearly blood going down the drain, thin from the water but there clear as day. Gordon took quick stock of his body, he…wasn’t bleeding. He blinked and the blood was gone, frowning as he rubbed his foot against the ceramic to make sure he wasn’t just seeing things. Maybe he was just tired? He’d done a lot of driving today and needed a good break and to eat an actual meal.

  
Fuck.

  
He’d forgotten to take his meds in the event of picking up Benry. 

  
Groaning he forgot about his weird not-blood issue, turning off the spray and drying himself quickly. 

  
He was tired, that much was clear. There was a Denny’s not too far away, may as well gorge on shitty breakfast food, and feed Benry something that wasn’t gummy worms and cheese puffs before passing out for the night. Glancing up into the mirror after pulling on his shirt Gordon nearly screamed seeing someone standing behind him. He whirled around, seeing no one, heart pounding in his chest and shaking from adrenaline. 

  
There was no one there.

  
Of course, there wasn’t, this was a hotel room where staff cleaned regularly and Benry was the only other person in the room. Gordon splashed cold water on his face to help calm himself down, already shaking his head from his little freakout. Hotels were weird places anyway, a little shadow play wasn’t the wildest thing he’d ever experienced in one. 

  
Whatever. It was time to fucking decimate some pancakes.

  
Still, he couldn’t get rid of the crawling feeling up his spine, even as they left the room and the hotel entirely. 


End file.
